i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
