FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
