Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
