She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Michael Bay diarrhea
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
