if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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