if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
