I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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