Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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