i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The best revenge is premature balding
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize