shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
