Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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