i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
