Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
