I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
