Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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