She announced her abortion via fbk
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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