It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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