please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
