he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
