He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
