god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
