youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
