smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
