Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
