That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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