if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
