textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
