I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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