great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
