she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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