white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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