if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
