At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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