exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
