I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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