my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
