Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
