would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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