Yo dont text me then not text me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
