3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
