U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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