I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
