I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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