WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
