i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
