this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
