I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize