I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
