At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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