Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
