Are we in a gay sports bar?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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