i jhust puked up my retainher.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
