well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
