If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
