farters have to be the big spoon...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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