Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
