my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
