You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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