woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
