shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
