Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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