let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
