I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
