Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
