Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
