We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
