He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
